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I spend a lot of time with my father. He's eccentric

Other people: Your dad is so cool. You have a funny dad. You're so lucky.
Me: Uh, he's crazy, and it's not fun when your father is more childish than you, your whole life.
Them: You're so negative.
also...
Me: I need to find a job.
My dad: You could get a webcam, get on one of those porn sites, and show your tits.
(this is like, the millionth time he suggested sex work as a career path for me. It's the only job he thinks women do.
SIGHHHHH.
I prepared and fetched food and coffee for my dad, no less than 6 times, in 3 hours.
He's pouting, because I didn't make an omelette. Even though he's full and has had 3 separate types of beverage, to boot.
I have been missing forks, and today I noticed that he's been licking them off and hoarding them on the end table with his hoard of napkins, ketchup packets, and plastic silverware. But this isn't plastic, and it's not clean, I give him a clean fork with every one of his snacks.
And, he produced a used paper plate to eat off of, after I brought him a pastry on a napkin. It was either in the garbage, or hidden in the couch cushions, because I've been forcing him to throw his paper plates away. He tries to get me to "just rinse them off".
He and my brother call me "stuck up" because I'm a pretty princess who eats off of clean dishes.
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